Comparisons and Boundaries

I had a group nutrition meeting on Monday, where I weighed in, then chatted with a nutritionist and a woman whose surgery had been the day before mine.  It seemed that our stories couldn't have been more different.  She was down 2 clothing sizes, eating out at restaurants, and enjoying a variety of foods. I was only down 2 pounds in 5 day and had only been consuming dairy and eggs from home.  She still wasn't working, but I had been working from home.  She was smaller than me in height and starting weight. She appeared to feel on top of the world, and it was nice to see her joy.

I, on the other hand, was frustrated.  Why weren't the pounds falling off of me the way they were for her?  I wasn't even venturing as far into solid foods as she was. Maybe she was exercising more. Maybe she was able to eat more mindfully, since she hadn't returned to work yet. Maybe her body is just different from mine.  They warned me that everyone is different, but mostly in the context of what foods they could handle.

All I can really know about her experience is what she said in that meeting, but I know what my life is like.  I split the work week between home and the office.  It should probably be easier to step away to take a walk or sit down elsewhere to focus on a meal, but it hasn't been. I have a tendency to sleep in and then get absorbed in my work.  At the office I got sucked into meetings and conversations - usually bunched up in the middle of the day.  I didn't set boundaries to protect what my body needs.

My meals at home were a mix. There were a couple of times when it was nothing but the food, my stomach and I.  I chewed each tiny bite to a pulp, set down my fork, and checked to see how I felt.  More often, I was working at the computer or reading.  I took some risks with my food that enforced the restrictions of my new diet.  Apparently there was table sugar in that pre-made chicken salad...

While, in some ways, I'm approaching eating the same way, it is fundamentally different.  I am not really hungry.  If I just stuck to stage 2, I would probably be fine: protein from milk and other nutrients from my supplements.  Mentally, I want other foods, but I'm just not enjoying them after the first bite.  The rules around my fluids intake make meals a little complicated for me.  I find thinking about the schedules, amounts, and sensations to be a distraction.  I just want to go about my life - if I could drink everything I needed over the course of the day, I would. Drinking is the only part that I really want to do, but the rules make it a headache.

I don't really have a tidy wrap-up this time.  There's lots to think about and explore further: what I can handle, where I need to create boundaries, what works for me.  My next meetings at the Weight Center are in about another week (a month from the date of my surgery), and hopefully I will have figured out some of these things before then.  If nothing else, maybe I will have more specific questions for the professionals while I'm there.


PS) I've made an update to the Phase 3 description, but there will be more as I make more changes to my diet.